May 26, 2017

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales tries very hard to turn back the time, it looks to erase our memories of the sequels to the first Pirates of the Caribbean film which was an unquestionable smash hit that was perfect from start to finish. This time around we get a lazy story, over the top comedy and loud action. Most of which isn't even that entertaining.

Sure, the opening action sequence involving a bank heist is fantastic and the guillotine scene will make you remember why you loved the first Pirates of the Caribbean film but that is where your love will end. The rest of the film feels tired and lazy with characters being wasted at every turn. Johnny Depp seems like he is just going through the motions. Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth is a perfect example of a wasted character. She is a strong intelligent woman of science - a fact that the film spends close to two hours telling you. She is witty and rational but once she interacts with Capt. Jack Sparrow and the rest of the Pirates at sea they waste many potential amazing character moments like we saw with Keira Knightley in the original. Brenton Thwaites tries his best to be loveable like Orlando Bloom but outside of his pretty looks he lacks everything else. Javier Bardem steals the movie as the stand out Capt. Salazar. He brings his intimidating presence to the character to help make him a great villain but when you hear his backstory you start to feel for him and understand his motives.

There are so many issues with this movie. One of which is that there are very long stretches of the film that are quite boring. You may yawn, you might check your phone or you might just fall asleep until you hear a loud boom. The chemistry between our young couple is hit and miss while Depp looks like an aged rockstar that looks bored with the gig but knows it pays the bills. This isn't the worst film in the Pirates franchise but if you where expecting a return to glory you are going to be disapointed. On a side note you might be amused by a Paul McCartney cameo as Jack Sparrow's Uncle but even this feels out of place and unnecessary.

This film gets 2 out of 5 Meatballs. If you are a fan of the franchise and believe in the idea that you paid for fun to see a movie so fun is what you are getting then you'll enjoy this film. If you fall in any other category then stay away from this film and let this ship sail to sea without you on board.


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